from now on my penis is your penis
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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