what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
