Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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