Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
