at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
