UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
