And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
