i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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