I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
NoShamevember. You game?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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