My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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