i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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