Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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