I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
