Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
