she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
