im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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