At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
