i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
