A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
