I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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