the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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