My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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