Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
