My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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