hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
