if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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