and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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