Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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