Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I should be sponsored by Trojan
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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