Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
