He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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