dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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