I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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