So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
