Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
