I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
