CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
