just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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