Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
