She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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