Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize