I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
