so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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