I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
