The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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