So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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