why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
