Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
