Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
