Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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