It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i black out too much to be "responsible"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
