I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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