dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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