you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
