So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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