every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
