I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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