Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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