I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
