you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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