it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
