Pappa wants mamma naked
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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