Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
